I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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