How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
