There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
