shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
