i already hear my dad disowning me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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