I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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