ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
