All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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