I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
