I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
