my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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