People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
