you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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