it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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