I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
