Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
