So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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