Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
