There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
