the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
