If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
