It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i came on her dog
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
