How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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