you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
