I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
