i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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