Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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