come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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