I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
