My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
