Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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