i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
