I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
