Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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