She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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