I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
