I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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