She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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