Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
