oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
