my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
