My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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