i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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