Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
