Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
