you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
