dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
