Small penises have feelings too.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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