remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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