So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
