I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
