I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
